Memories - Happy Birthday to you

Whenever a couple break up... They often want to forget their partner... why... I were like that... But yesterday... I start to afraid that... one day... I will forget both of you... forget the memories that we build... People always says... Don't worry... Times will cure... yeah... true... very true.. times will really cure... the longer it is... the better it cures... just one year after broke up with my first love... I wonder how much memories left in my mind and his now... In the beginning... I still thought of him... almost everyday... thought of the way he fetch me here and there... thought of the way he endures all my bad temper... so on and so on... but now... was like... mmm... I might think of him when I feel bored? or... I am too bored in office and wanted to message someone... His face is getting blur in my mind... day by day...

And same for you... today is your BIG day... Happy Birthday... every time I greet you... is all from the bottom of my heart... really... Yesterday... finally after so long... we are actually meeting each other... and that made me has this thought... I wonder... why am I not nervous when I see you... why am I not interested to look at you... why am I forget to give you a birthday hug... I wonder why there isn't a weird feeling there... I was wanting to meet you all these while... but why when I met you I got no special feeling and all... after back home and covered under the blanket... I start to think.. would I ever forget the memories that we build? I don't want to... Can I control it? Would I forget the way we hold each other hand under the blanket? Would the memory of we used a single duvet in a double bed fade away? Would I ever lost the feeling of you hugging me throughout the night? How about the dramatic scene that we cry massively in the bus station just because you will be away from me for 3 weeks? The heavy path that I work back from the bus station after sending you... The bad feeling that you aren't sleeping beside me and nightmare will always attack me when you're not there... The pictures that we tears off when we saw each other through webcam when you were in Malaysia but still trying hard to hold back the tears... The times that we beautify your room together and the feeling so success... The funniest memories which I apply medicine for your back and you apply for my leg which both got allergic... at the same time... we kept begging each other to scratch a bit more... a bit more... a bit more... would I allow this to happen in future with others? Not for now... but maybe will when the time flies... That's why I am afraid... I could afford to lose the memory of our 1,2,3 massage... The moment that we look at each other features and wondering why is this like that and why is that like this... specially you... The sound that you made when I ticklish you... The warmest moment when you dig out a vege from my teeth and put it in your mouth! The feeling that you packed my bag every morning when I am rushing to work... and... whenever I reach home... I thought I didn't bring keys... but... the keys are always in my bag... that's when I feel... You are the best bf in the world... Would I feel this after a year or even now? I doubt that... Soon after... Would I still remember how's the Oasis Orange Juice taste like as I don't want to drink that anymore after we broke up... Would I still know how much sugar to put for your tea? Would I still know the way to cheer you up when you are down? I wonder how long the cards, poem, the plaster, the photo frame, the diary book and many many others will be kept properly in the box? I am confuse... I were trying hard to forget you... forget the memories... and to not think about you... why am I afraid of losing all the memories and feelings now...

Would you? Would you forget me? Would you still remember the 2 set of breakfast, 2 set of Lunch and 2 set of Dinner with my love notes that I prepared when you went for the caravan job for 3 days 2 nights? Would the sponge box which welcomed you back home from Malaysia will ever stay in a rubbish bin? Would you remember how I dig out your disgusting big huge ear shit from time to time... Would you remember the vomit face that I show you every time I dig out a BIG 1? Would you remember the pain that I made whenever I press your big black head out and complaining why you have such a big nose? Would you remember the taste of all my cookings? The tom yam... the fried spaghetti... The cakes... the cookies... the noodles soup... the ginger chicken... and many many more... Are you still remember the surprise that I gave you in exactly a year ago from today? Would you know how many hair cuts I did for you from the past 1 year? Are you afraid that you might forget all the memories and me? Or you are now dying to get rid of them? How about the trip to Swansea? How about the nicest hotel that we ever stay? How about the small little swimming pool? How about eating the cold Mihun in a cold weather and you still keep saying it is nice and yummy? How about the 8pounds winnings from the betting machines in London?

Yeah... People said... Don't worry... There are always sweet memories there... That is no one can take away from you... but no... not all of it will always remain... no... soon after... they will gone... I wonder what others memories that we had that I actually has been forgotten...

After a year... would I still remember your birthday? Would I still expecting your message? Would I still know the meaning of this post? Mmmm... No one knows...

Anyway...

Happy 21st Birthday my love...

Be a good boy... or a great man...

Start Shouting out your thought...

Bring things to reality...

Be a good son, good brother and good friend :)

Yesterday I heard people said you changed and studying very hard now...

God knows how pleased I am to hear about that...

I hope and pray that you will get something great in return for your hard work...

All the best and move on your life with a very bright future :)

From Jocelyn

04.12.2009