I feel suffocated...
My heartache...
My leg was so heavy that take so much energy to move each step...
I can't control my tears...
If thing doesn't change...
If everything remain the same...
What will I be doing?
Where will I be?
What surprise will I give?
Which restaurant will I choose?
Reached home...
I cry out loud... Massively...
I felt like breaking things...
I felt like hurting myself...
I felt like banging my head to the wall...
I just... can't control myself...
I scream out loud...
I was suppose to concentrate on my revision...
I am so behind and I am really out of time...
But... I still spend time in choosing the best cloth to wear for your birthday party...
I told myself that I must look the best in the party... I must shine like a star...
I must look attractive...
I dye my hair...
I make sure the cloth looks perfect on me...
I put on a heavy make up...
I wore the earing that I seldom wear...
I wore the contact lenses that you like the most...
I applied the lipstick that I seldom use...
I wore heels that you said it is sexy...
I blow my hair nicely...
And....
And...
I end up walking back with tears...
Yeah... I lose... badly...
Honestly...
I am willing to walk back even if it take an hour walk...
I really will...
It is just that...
I don't want to...
Let you feel that...
You are so important for me...
It is just that...
I feel... you don't deserve it...
It is just that...
I feel... I am not so important to be in the party...
It is just that...
I feel... There is no different whether I am there or not...
It is just that...
You never ask me to stay...
That's why... That's why... That's why...
But... funny enough... I regretted...
When I saw the hair colouring box in the bin...
When I remove all the make up...
When I look at myself...
I just couldn't take all the pain...
I just couldn't imagine how silly I am...
5 comments:
Jocelyn, are you feeling ok? Why bother to be upset when you know that person would not care? U know you are not stupid or useless!!! You know deep down in your heart you still have lot of friends truly care about you...I feel really sad and disappointed now because the way u treat urslef and the way that you look at urself...You always shine like a brightest star...you are smart, intelligent girl why look down at urself because of a man who will not care about u anymore? Stay positive!!! The most important thing now is your exam on Monday...just leave all other rubbish on one side...because you don't need those right now... Stay focus on the study, I will take you out for dinner after the exam ya ...Remember what I always tell you? Anything happen, I will always be there to help u, to comfort u, to encourage u... Take care sweetie xxx
Angel:
Thanks... Really really really thanks for everything... whenever I gonna give up... those people like you who always have trust in me are the only things that keep me strong... specially you... Yes... I will stay positive... Yes.. Monday exam... will wash my face now and eat my dinner and do my revision... Will do all these for those who care about me...
Thanks god for sending you to me...You are always there when I have problems... I appreciate it...
when it comes to feelings and emotions, no one is stupid or silly. Sometimes feelings cant be controlled. Sometimes it is better to go with the flow. And sometimes its better to fake it. Sometimes, crying out loud is the only solution. But dont forget to pick yourself up once its over. You drop down, you hurt yourself and you start crying, but you will always stand back up. Thats how life is too. Just pick yourself up. Tell yourself you are strong. In fact, KNOW that you are strong.
Dont worry! This is just a pain that lasts for a short period. Soon, there will be better days for you to experience.
Try to see the positive side of everything and life will look beautiful :).
to Angel:
you can cheer up whoever you want, but its a bit not right to keep blaming the person who you do not know very well. its unfair for the person and misleading to other readers.
to Hui Hui...
There is no right and wrong... it is depend on which view you are looking from... plus you do not know much either...
I wonder which sentences that Angel said that make you feel like she is blaming someone?
Take it easy my friend... Angel is just trying to comfort me and encourage me to come out from sadness because I will be having exam very soon...and it is not time to be sad...Don't create any dispute anymore k:)
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