Ex relationship

Since young...until now...I always wonder... why people can break up and change their partner... some can even do it frequently... doesn't it hurt when you see your ex is with others girls/boys? doesn't it hurt when you know someone you really loved and care (before) hold another girls/boys' hand or even sleep with them even though your relationship with him/her has passed?

Before I broke up with my first love... I had a dream... I wish... I could marry my first love... When I saw my friends are in a relationship... I was so damn envy them! There were chances that I can be in a relationship too... but I know we were not serious and it wouldn't have a good ending... I insisted to only a relationship when I am ready and mature...

But my first love did not end up right... 5 years... I had a hard time... there were thousands of times that he betrayed me... he cheated on me... lie to me... and I "stupidly" forgive him... I dont know why... Am I love him that much? or... I just want to fulfill my dream and marry to my first love...? 5 years... wow... 5 year... I wonder i would have how many 5 years in my life... huh?

He coupled with a girl immediately after we broke up...or maybe I should say before we break up? doesn't matter? It was so pain... and I have to act like... I am alright with it... just to be the win side... He is so cruel to me... I saw their loving pic... then... I started to judge the girl... "Pretty or not?" "Good or not" I even feel like asking my friends who look more pretty between me and her... childish... until today... they pic still frequently pop up in my mind.. and the feeling is really not good... but I know just the matter of time... I can handle that!

And the same applies to him... I dont know why he only get to know I were in a relationship a week before... he said he been trying hard to know how am I and how's my life going... but if he really does... he should be able to know from my blog, my msn and my facebook.. but it seems like he is the last person who know I am in love~~

He called me... he cried... but I dont knwo why he cried... He cried out loud for half an hour... I guess he always take me for granted and finally he know he lost me... and I am no longer his... We both know we are impossible anymore... He told me he still keep my pic in his wallet... and many other stuff... but I really hope he can stop doing that since he already has a girl friend... what is the point... and I hope he can tell his parents we broke up... it is ok not to tell them the reason but at least tell them... we are no longer together...

I cursed him before...

"I curse you will never ever find someone who will sincerely love you, all you have will be those who will betray you and make use of you and dump you on street! Disgusted! I know this is cruel but nothing beats yours!"

I know... ruby said it is not good to curse someone and it with apply 100 times back to you... but that time i were really angry... and now I want to take off the curse.. and change to:

"I wish you will find someone who will sincerely love you and you can sincerely love her, no more playing and betraying in love... no more lying no more hurting no more flirting... and all the best in your life..."

To my love B... thanks for trusting me and believing in me... Thanks for being there all the time for me... I wish we both would not have the chance of getting the pain of losing each other... if really can... I wish we could be forever...