Worst Day ever :(

After the tax paper which I have taken Last year
I decided not to do my revision in last minutes anymore
So for F7 Financial Reporting... I did my revision a month earlier or maybe more than that
I'm pretty confident on this paper... I thought I can score pretty high...
Aimed for above 70%...
Cause I love this paper and I find it quite challenging...
Few days before the exam...
I memorised most of the theory and I did some test...
And I got most of it correct... So... It enhanced my confident even more...
Whatever Ruby has asked me... I know the answer...
Both of us pretty sure that we will pass...
That's why I dare to watch the World Cup day before my exam...

And today... I see everything very positively...
Even a poo in the morning, I see it as a good sign...
Reached exam hall... usually I will be busying reading note and memorising...
But not for this time... half an hour before exam...
I decided not to look at my note anymore because this exam need alot of focus and attention...
And the time availabe for this paper is very tight...

Enter the exam hall 20minutes before the exam start...
Sit there and thinking... what should I do after this?
Not nervous at all.... honestly...

Ok... exam started...
Read through the question... 20 minutes later...
Felt that... the questions look weird...
Another 5 minutes....
.................
I.... stunned for few second...
I.... paniced...
Cause I found out something...
Double check it again...
Yeah...
Even though I can't believe that what is actually happening but I have to....
The exam paper that I read for 25 minutes or more.... isn't the one that I suppose to take...
I thought... they made the mistake...
But no... my exam docket wrote UK version....
And I suppose to sit on an international version of paper...
I paniced... really paniced...
I raise up my hand... ask the lady... the lady took ages to come back to me...
I become even more panic... should I continue the test? should I give up?
Would I fail? Would they give back my 30 minutes? Would they?

And yeah... they wouldn't of course...
The lady gave me the correct paper...
And I request for time extention and she said no...
And I ask her to check whether no:23 (Ruby's) got the International one or not and she give me an annoying look...
All the notes that I wrote on that paper... gone...
And... my mind went blank....
I can't concentrate...
I can't... I tried my best to be fast...
But... no... everything look strange to me...
Even a very simple transaction...
I need to read it 3 to 4 times...
Everything is just... going really bad....
I feel like crying... all my efforts... all my hard work... gone... totally...
I wrote all the bullshit answer... really and honestly... very bullshit...
No idea... what was I doing... really:(

All I learned is...
Don't ever rely on someone... when it relates to a really an important matters... So that you got no one to blame when thing goes wrong... very true... very true....
Ruby... you really made a really big mistake... the biggest mistake ever...
I got no idea... why you will make this mistake...
I'm really sad... really really sad...
The second time that I cry right after exam...
And in the strange place...
I wanna cry in my room... cry out very very loud...
No one will know how I felt... honestly... it is really bad...
Even now... I still feel the pain... I still do...
I still feel I haven complete my exam yet...
I still can't accept the true...

Reach Cheltenham...
Saw my babe... it is really lucky that... he didn't work today...
If not... I don't think I have the strength to come back from Birmingham...
The journey seems so far to me...

N I still can feel the pain now...
I wonder when the feeling will dissapear..

Sorry... I know you are feeling extremely guilty... and I know you didn't do it in purpose...of course you won't... sorry for all the harsh words... I'm really angry, really dissapointed, really sad... really really down... really really don't know what to do... really really dont know what's gonna happen next... but dont worry... I forgive you... just give me a bit more of time... and leave me alone...

Apart from the above sad case...
And yeah... I step on a big fresh shit...
Not sure whether is human or dog shit...
It is super smelly...
I throw that shoe away...

Besides, I lost all my bet for today matches...
Haven count how much exactly I lose...
But it doesn't matter anymore....

I'm still very down....
Long time didn't have this feeling already....
And... I don't really know how to cope with it...
Really.... very sad... very dont know how to say....
Nothing can turn back.... yeah.... can't turn back....
Sigh.........
I am so...... useless.... so useless....
fucking useless...
I'm so shit...